5 Female and 5 Male Habits Revealed

*Note* Obviously, this is a humorous post and no offense is meant by anything in the following, just making some observations. Please don’t hate me.

5 Female Habits

 

'You just broke the bathroom door, are you sure you're fine?'

5. “I’m Fine”

We all know when a woman says ‘I’m Fine’ it is not fine. And we can tell. And it drives us crazy. We don’t know what to do other than to poke and prod until we find out and then we wish we had just left the house like you probably wanted us to and came back with flowers. Please forgive us our dumb habits, we know not what we do.

 

 

4. The Surprise Cry

Every man has been caught in this situation: You are having a fun night, everything is great, and then a commercial comes on with a puppy or an old couple holding hands. We look over and there are tears rolling down your face. There is nothing that sends a guy’s head into a panic then the surprise cry. It’s not that we don’t want to comfort you or be there for you, but we honestly aren’t good at dealing with crying. Should we get you a tissue? Hug you? Throw a hammer through the television? We don’t know and our brain doesn’t give us any help. Again, Please forgive us our dumb habits, we know not what we do.

 

 

'Can I get you some cheese with that whine?'

3. You’re Done with the Fight

You are in the middle of a rare fight. You both are yelling and no one is getting anywhere. You may walk out of the room. 10 minutes later you emerge and you are smiling and going about your day like nothing happened. Meanwhile, we are still in ‘fight’ mode. We want to be upset still but you have moved on. We don’t know whether to keep going or tell you how cute you look. It baffles us to no end.

 

 

'I heard she eats 3 lunchables a day'

2. ‘Oh Paula is so annoying, I can’t stand her. Oh hi Paula! It’s so good to see you!’

I really have no idea what to make of this one. But we know we’ve heard you talk bad about this one girl multiple times, but then you are also friends with her. Again, we do not understand.

 

 

This girl loves Proactive

1.Blackheads and Pimples

That is right, ladies. I know your secret. You like to pick blackheads and pop pimples. And not just your own.  The secret is out, don’t pretend you don’t know…

 

 

5 Male Habits

 

 

'Cut me off, grandma!'

5. Road Rage

I’ll let you in on a secret. Men know that we aren’t great at anything. We won’t admit it, but we know deep down. So road rage is our way of pointing out the smallest imperfections of the rest of society by making idiots of ourselves yelling at that guy who didn’t use the turn signal. We know we look like idiots, throwing our hands up in disgust and cursing up a storm for someone to MOVE, but we are doing this because we don’t want to be called out on our mistakes and hope that if we yell at someone else loud enough, no one will say anything about us.

 

 

4. ‘Socks and sandals go together, right?’

Behind every well dressed man is an amazing woman who doesn’t want her guy to go out dressed like a jackass. Honestly, we would probably wear the same clothes day after day no matter what the event. Easter Sunday? T-Shirt and Jeans. Wedding? T-Shirt and Jeans. Funeral? T-Shirt and Jeans. We need your help ladies and we thank you for it.

 

 

"Could you fluff my pillow and put on cartoons?"

3. We are babies when we are sick

Something happens in a guy’s brain when he gets even the slightest cut/cold. We repress to 7 years old and we need to be pampered. It is seriously one of the dumbest things we do. I mean we are adults who will take care of the bugs/blood/ect, but when we get sick we really want to be taken care of. Being sick is like a Spa Day for a guy.

 

 

 

"I know I use and call it 'product' but I know I can live in the woods by myself for a year'

2. ‘I want to live in the woods’

Every man, at one point (or more), in his life has made a similar statement like: ‘I want to live in the woods’ ‘I want to become a fisherman on the sea’ ‘I need to go out west’. I’ll try to simplify this as much as I can. Guys go through stages where we feel we have to prove our manliness. We need to feel like we can conquer Nature. The best thing you can do in this situation is to go along with our claims of how ‘I can do this, babe, trust me’. Let us get these plans together and when we don’t do it or come back less-than-triumphant, just laugh at us because we are stupid sometimes.

 

 

 

1.‘I’ve got the flu, can we do it?’

Nothing can really stop this. We could have a leg half off and we could still be in the mood. Just tell us to go back to bed or up our dosage of Sudafed.

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36 thoughts on “5 Female and 5 Male Habits Revealed

  1. Popping my man’s spots and squeezing his black heads is my idea of a romantic night in… love it!

    Love your disclaimer. I like the ‘I’m fine’ one, it’s right up there with ‘It’s nothing’. So true… 🙂

  2. Wow. 100% of this is true. But shame on you for revealing our obsessive skin and blemish fixations! No one must know! j/k 🙂 Actually, I used to do that to my husband, but I guess I was a little too rough on him because now he always tries really hard to have clear, clean skin when he’s around me. I guess that’s one way of getting your man to level up his skincare routine!

  3. So truly incredibly perfect. They’re all so true, but we don’t notice them until someone points them out like this. I was snickering at work and people were looking at me funny for it.

      • That is hilarious! I didn’t know the blackhead thing was wide-spread, but I sure do love to hold my husband down and squeeze them.

      • oh trust me, it is. Every woman I’ve brought it up to laughs and then agrees. And we men just hang our heads in shame

  4. Take issue with the living in the Wilderness one. You’ll never find me doing that.

    This reminds me of a joke:

    A guy is walking on the beach in LA, when he finds a magic lamp. So, picking it up and giving it a quick rub out of curiousity, he’s astonished when a genie pops out.

    “Master, you’re wish is my command, but none of this three wishes shit, we’re in a recession, you can only have one. If I were you, I’d make it a good one”.

    The guy thinks for a while then replies “I’ve got relatives in Hawaii, it’d be really convenient for me if there was a bridge between LA and there, so I could drive it rather than deal with airports and all”.

    The genie isn’t chuffed at this: “I know I’m fucking magic, but do you have any idea how fucking difficult that is? There’s all sorts of complex engineering about pressure and the depths of the Pacific Ocean. Pick something else.”

    The guy thinks again and says “Well, in that case, what I really want is to understand women”.

    The genie quckly responds with “So, that bridge then, two lanes or four”.

    Hehehehehe

    • Ha! Interesting thing is…we have to understand ourselves while we try to understand others. Science is affording us all kinds of neat tidbits about how men and women are different, and there are many ways that we are the same.

      We do, though, livein a world that has become used to criticizing or demonizing before understanding another gender, culture or way of being, but we have the ability to grow out of that, methinks.

      • I totally agree with that. There definitely is importance in the understanding of one another

  5. HAHAHA OMG every word you said was spot on! Nice analization. This is hilarious yet true. (*mums)

  6. Bollocks. I’m like a cat when I get sick, slink away and be ill in private.

    How right is that “I’m fine” line? Also, when I’m trying to get a hi-tech piece of electronics to work and I’m looking for inspiration, I don’t want to hear – “Have you pressed the ‘on’ switch?”

    Socks & sandles… EWWWW!

  7. You are so right about the man flu. I was just telling my mother the other day that if I sneeze, my husband beats me to the bed!

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