I’ve seen a lot of movies. Probably more than I should have. I’ve seen some great, uplifting, beautiful films. But with watching a lot of movies comes the fine privilege of watching some of the worst garbage ever made. Sometimes a movie will make you pause and reflect that your life has no meaning because someone actually put the time and money down to make an insipid piece of utter waste that is now burrowing its way deep inside your head like a parasitic death-worm. When you hear people list the worst movie ever you hear a lot of the same: Troll 2, The Room, Plan 9 From Outer Space. Apparently none of these people have ever heard of ‘Munchie’.
What is Munchie you might be asking yourself? Let me explain:
Do you remember the brilliance of ‘Gremlins’? Well ‘Gremlins’ spawned a lot of wannabes. Some of them alright like ‘Critters’. And some of them straight from the bowels of hell like ‘Hobgoblins’. There was a movie that got a bit of success in the wake of ‘Gremlins’. That movie was ‘Munchies’. Notice the plural.
‘Munchie’ is the afterbirth of ‘Munchies’. It is the deformed, attic-exiled, half brother of the original film. Munchies (the creatures) were little tiny badasses who loved wrecking pool parties and other coke-induced screenplay antics. Not ‘Munchie’. Oh no. Not him.
‘Muchie’ was written and directed by Jim Wynorski. You may remember him from his one decent film ‘Chopping Mall’. Or his series of underdressed and unprofessional law enforcement agents in ‘Busty Cops’ and ‘Busty Cops and the Jewel of Denial’.
So what is this fetid dog turd about? Well, it’s about a boy who wakes up Munchie (voiced by Dom DeLuise) and then Munchie grants him wishes or something. And his mom is dating a total douche and this kid tries to break them up, and I guess someone is looking for Munchie to kill him or whatever. And a bunch of shenanigans and goings-on happen in it. Ugh. Just writing this is seriously so painstaking. Thinking about ‘Munchie’ really makes my brain bleed.
So what is it about this movie that sets it apart as the ‘worst movie ever made’?
Munchie. This is not a character. It is a malignant tumor. This is like the mole that you should have gotten checked out years ago but you were too afraid so you just said ‘I’ll see how this goes’. Just look at this son of a bitch!
Jesus Christ, look at this asshole. He looks like someone made some sort of Dr Moreu type hybrid of George Burns and a Pug dog. This puppet is looks like it was made to kill people’s hopes and dreams. Who looked at the design of this thing and said ‘You finally got it right! This is the star of our movie!’. Did Munchie walk into the hairdresser and say ‘Give me the Hitler look, I’m preparing for children’s film’. Look at this picture again. It really is a puppet Hitler with pointy ears. God, he fills me with such rage!
Munchie is supposed to be funny. Listen to me. There is not one syllable said by Munchie that could even be considered funny. If anyone tells you that they think this is a funny movie, you punch that person right in the face as hard as you possibly can.
Right now you might be thinking ‘Kloipy, you are just over exaggerating. This can’t be that bad’. Oh yeah? Just watch the trailer. It gives you all you need to know. Go ahead, I’ll wait.
Did you see that and not want to drive a rusty nail directly into your cornea? Look at the terrible quality of this movie. Munchie moves like he’s constantly going into an epileptic seizure. His mouth can’t even move to fit the words he’s saying. The movie says he’s both ‘magical’ and ‘mystical’. If I wake some ancient creature from another dimension and all he can do is make pizza fly and pull the worst practical jokes ever I would have more words to use than ‘mystical’. Did I wake up some 3000 year old Gallagher imposter?
And that kid. He’s got problems and his solution is to have some annoying puppet drop a bucket of water on someone’s head? I mean this thing apparently has the ability to make a car fly and you’ve get him to put a lit match in someone’s shoe. With great power comes great responsibility and that responsibility is putting a bullet right between Munchie’s eyes.
I just can’t do this anymore. I can’t waste any more words on this terrible, horrific film. Don’t think that you’ll find yourself laughing at how bad it is. You’ll more than likely down an entire bottle of sleeping pills and waiting for the sweet release of death.