Kloipy Vs ‘The People Vs George Lucas’

‘The People Vs George Lucas’ is listed as a documentary. However, after watching to the half-mark point of the film I realized that it nothing more than a showcase for people to either bitch or wax poetic about Star Wars. It is also compiled with multiple interviews with fans and a few celebs, with archival footage of Lucas, interspersed with scenes from fan created recreation or parody of Star Wars. Continue reading

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Your Candy Sucks

 

  

We’ve all been there. The late night scrounging in the pantry looking for a snack. Your eye spies something in the back corner, covered in dust and cobwebs. But you need candy. So you reach back into the dark recess only to be disappointed some pale excuse for ‘candy’ that you find there.

Here’s a list of some other terrible, supposed ‘candy’ Continue reading

She’s Dead Jim! The Deadgirl Review

Deadgirl is a movie with a message and that message is as follows: If you are ever in the basement of an old abandoned mental hospital, find a weird rotting girl on a table that is breathing and has a bag over her head and tied down, please, do not fuck her. That my friends is the premise of this foray into Necrophilia called Deadgirl. This is a movie that tries so hard to have a meaning when all it stands to provide us with is shitty acting and watching a zombie get raped for an hour and a half. This movie is garbage of the worst kind, like packet of mayo; encased in a dog turd, roasting in the hot Alabama sun. Frankie may have to endure The Butterfly Effect 3, but Frank at least I can say that you most likely won’t have to see someone buttfuck a corpse. Continue reading

Retail Inferno: Customer Service is Hell

Since I’ve been in the work force I’ve held a few different jobs in retail. If there is one good thing you can say about working retail, it is this: No matter what company you work for, you will run into the same annoyances.

You walk into a store and you look at all those smiling faces. Look closer, into their eyes, and you will see the cold reality. They are barren like the Sahara desert. These are husks of people torn down mercilessly by the weight of consumerism and it’s cacophony of faceless patrons.

Abandon all hope ye who work at a department store. Take my hand as we walk into the inferno, circling down to the product soaked depths of Hell-Mart. Gaze into the horrors that lay beneath the 50% off rack. A voiceless scream will escape your lips as you venture into the horror that is the ‘public restroom’. Forsake all you know while we stroll to the god-forsaken blight known as ‘The Returns Counter’.

Hold tight because here we go Continue reading

Icarus may have been a better name: The ‘Prometheus’ Review

*Warning: There will be Spoilers here*

 

Now that Prometheus has been out for a few weeks, much has been said about it. Some good, some bad, mostly indifferent. In a way this is a film that was almost as doomed from the start then the crew of the titular ship. The ‘Alien’ franchise has 2 great movies, 1 decent one, and 3 more steaming piles. However, the greatness of those first two really still carry a lot of weight. Although Ridley Scott went as far out of his way as possible to break people’s expectations with the ties to those films, make no mistake about it, this is within the same breath. That serves to the film’s success but also to its downfalls. Continue reading

Reflections on My 4th Father’s Day

Being a dad to a little girl should be listed as one of the hardest jobs ever. That’s not to say that it isn’t the most amazing thing, but it is also extremely difficult. You know that most likely your little girl will always hold you special in her heart as the term ‘daddy’s little girl’ is usually dead on. But with that, great parenthood comes with great responsibility. Continue reading

Life and Death in ‘The Grey’: Review

‘The Grey’ is not the movie that was marketed to you. This is not ‘Taken with Wolves’. And that is one of the best things about this movie. In less capable hands that would be the movie you would get, but director/writer Joe Carnahan makes it so much more.  You can take the film at face value and enjoy it as just a survival thriller in the wilds of the Alaskan north, where men try to survive the wilderness and the onslaught of a pack of wolves stalking them day and night. However, the wonderful thing about this film is that it is a subtle, symbolic story of coming to terms with your own mortality. Thematically; the closest film I can relate this one to is ‘Stand by Me’. It feels like the boys from that film met back up in middle age and are reflecting on their lives and what has become of them. Continue reading

Losers of the Week: Fake Celebs and The Culture of Dumb

I know it’s early in the week to pick this, but sometimes it just can’t wait. Good Morning America is known for being sort of ‘puff-piece’ journalism. They usually have some dopey stories mixed in with real news so people can start their day off on the right foot. However, one of their promos for a show really got under my skin like a splinter.  The promo was basically like this:

“Tomorrow on GMA: Snooki’s first interview about her pregnancy and what does she really think about breast feeding?” Continue reading