Losers of the Week: Fake Celebs and The Culture of Dumb

I know it’s early in the week to pick this, but sometimes it just can’t wait. Good Morning America is known for being sort of ‘puff-piece’ journalism. They usually have some dopey stories mixed in with real news so people can start their day off on the right foot. However, one of their promos for a show really got under my skin like a splinter.  The promo was basically like this:

“Tomorrow on GMA: Snooki’s first interview about her pregnancy and what does she really think about breast feeding?”

Why did this bother me so much? What bothers me is that fact that Snooki is nothing more than a reality television star whose rise to fame was born on the back of a show that celebrates nothing but complete excess and utter waste of life. People brush it off as ‘oh, it’s just mindless entertainment’ and it may be that, but at its core, it is part of the gigantic issue of this current American society. There are no redeeming values on display on the ‘Jersey Shore’. It is a chronicle of stupid people who get paid to get drunk, screw people, screw each other, screw inanimate objects, get loud, get in fights, abuse their own heritage, and make millions off of purveying the message that the only thing that matters is having fun and to hell with any consequence. We are supposed to watch these trashy excuses for human existence and laugh. These people offer nothing of value and there is nothing to be gained from watching this show. And now, Snooki (whose claim to fame up to this point is how ugly her hair is), is on a national network at 8 in the morning, and we are supposed to give two shits about what she thinks about breastfeeding? So she got knocked up and now we are supposed to respect her opinion like she has anything worthwhile to say? I’m sorry but we are giving a voice to someone who, without the aid of MTV, would probably be working at McDonalds and who would care about her opinion of pregnancy then?

I ask myself sometimes why it is that we as a culture have become so obsessed with these non-celebrities and even real celebrities. Are we so unfulfilled in our own lives that we live vicariously through those who offer nothing to society? Take Kim Kardashian and Paris Hilton for example. Here are two spoiled brats who up to the point of their fame had already lived lives of luxury without any want or care or knowledge of the real world. Then by means of having sex on camera ‘Oh my! However did this tape get exposed to the world. Oh I’m so distraught now that everyone is paying attention to me! When is my check coming?’, and all of the sudden they are FAMOUS. And we are oh so lucky to get to watch the continuing escapades of these mindless micro-organisms as they slither their way into our homes each week. Let’s watch as they interact with, holy shit hold on to your hats now, REAL PEOPLE! Watch as these worthless yokels bow down in front of these plastic princesses and giggle along as they show no basic idea of the world around them. Come, let us throw piles and piles of money at them so we can ensure that they never have to do any real work for the rest of their lives, while we toil day in and day out to make ends meet. These two vapid-eyed, talentless ‘girls’ are raking in millions of dollars for making appearances and acting stupid. That is their role in the world. To make headlines for buying a shoe, or wearing a low cut dress, and we eat it up. We are as much to blame because we perpetuate their relevance.

Paris and Kim prepping for their work in Darfur

I’m going to be blunt here for a moment. What the fuck is wrong with us? We are living in a time of global and economic strife. The world is full of unrest. People are struggling to put food on their tables or fighting for just equal marriage rights, and yet the biggest news this week is Miley Cyrus getting engaged, or Lindsey Lohan crashing yet another car, or Madonna flashing her nipple during a concert in effort to still be relevant. Chris Brown beat the shit out of Rhianna, and yet people are now defending him because he is a good dancer. People are honestly giving this guy a pass on an issue that should have stopped his career dead.

“Yeah, he did beat her up pretty bad, but man can that guy DANCE!!!”


These are our heroes. These are our gods. We bow and worship at the almighty alter of E! Entertainment. These are the role models of the youth of America. They are being taught that they only thing that matters is fame and that you should do anything to gain it. They are being taught that intelligence is less important as how many beers you can take down your throat in a minute. Why don’t we ask Snooki what her opinion is on Syria and her ideas about the health care situation in America?

Kloipy: Hey Snooki, I’d love to know your thoughts about evolution. Are you for or against teaching intelligent design in school?

Snooki: Um so yeah I think evolution is bad because you know it pollutes the environment and since I’m about to spawn I really don’t want my baby to get sick while I’m at the bar because parenting is hard. And I think intelligent design is a good thing to teach. I’m like, you know, really into fashion and stuff and it would be sad to think kids couldn’t design their own rooms and stuff. That’s like, really important you know? Hey, did you know that you can have sex without a condom while you’re pregnant since I’m pretty sure you can’t get pregnant again?

Skeletor is looking really bad these days

But hey, you know reading is stupid. Poor people are stupid. All those women getting mutilated in Africa; yep they are stupid too. You want to cure cancer or maybe work together to make the world a better place? Nah, fuck that! I want to see a bunch of drunken assholes ram their tongues down a stranger’s throat in order to see what an esophagus tastes like! Who wants to know about what’s going on with the war? The only war I’m hearing right now, is the war on my buzz! WOOOOOOOOHOOOOOO!

Caution: Aging plastic surgery failures at play

Let’s give our children a chance. If we all stop paying attention to this stuff it will go away. Maybe our kids will have something real to look up to someday. Maybe we can take the time to listen and learn empathy for others and do something to better this world while we have time in it. I don’t think it’s bad to be entertained, and I’m not saying every waking minute should be focused on some issue of the plight in the world; we need fun in our lives too. However, when we can name all the cast of the ‘Jersey Shore’ but can’t point out Iraq on a map, there is a problem. We as a people have so much potential. We can be intelligent, thoughtful, amazing creatures. Why should we waste our time on those who do not deserve the recognition? These people who produce and perpetuate this material are doing nothing less than serving a means to keep us docile and lull us into some sort of false sense that ‘everything is just fine, you are doing great’. It’s time to wake up.


26 thoughts on “Losers of the Week: Fake Celebs and The Culture of Dumb

  1. You know that first picture. I think she was going for that pouty look. But it really just looks like she tried using a crimping iron on her lips. Is it bad that every time I see her I have this uncontrollable urge to punch her in the face. The more I see her the more it offends me.

    • Yep. How she has a career and probably more money than I will ever have in my lifetime is beyond me

  2. This is one of the reasons why I’ve ditched TV. So much of it is utter, utter bullshit. Really. It’s an embarrassment what people will watch/buy/read for pleasure. Eek! I’m sorry to say I’ve succumbed to reality TV from time to time, but have never become obsessional/endorsed the celeb game afterwards. It’s ruining what it means to be famous. It’s a bit of a disgrace.

    Really great post. An important one! 🙂

    • it’s not so much the shows that bother me it is the fact that we as a society legitamize these people

      • I totally get where you’re coming from. As a teacher, I see how these wannabes are influencing the kids of today. It’s just crazy. It really is. I think that a lot of the problems start with certain reality shows. They make these people feel as if they and there lives are more important than they perhaps are… It’s really irresponsible of the media in many ways, you know? Plus it’s just another way that life is being ‘dumbed down’. I realise this is a somewhat unintelligible response, but it’s early over here, lol.

  3. I’ve often wondered who is worse: the nobodies who snag a fake celebrity life, the people who allow them on television, or the people who watch them.
    My vote is the last one, because like you said, if no one watched, no one would put them on air, and poof! Problem solved!

      • The masses will only stop watching when something even MORE retarded is aired.

        My GF watches a lot of these shows and when I ask why, she says it’s because they are train wrecks and she just can’t stop watching.

      • they definitely do have a ‘trainwreck’ quality to them, but unfortunately I think the younger generation actually thinks it is cool. Scary thought

  4. I find it’s very scary that the opinions of celebrities are often taken over common sense. There are probably a lot of people who, if Snooki says breastfeeding is worthless, will be believing her. If she says it’s good to give the baby a snort of tequila every few hours ’cause it seems to make them less cranky, there will be followers. Hey, she’s on TV she must know something, right?
    Critical thinking. That’s what kids need to be taught a little more.

  5. I am now scared because as I was reading this Isabella looked over my shoulder, saw the picture of Snookie and said,” ooh, she’s pretty.” I am going to blame the media for this one.

  6. Kloipy, it’s one of life’s great mysteries, up there with the pyramids. I get told by folk who watch this stuff that it’s “easy to watch”. I don’t understand. It does not compute. I sit on the bus and watch people rapidly flick past ‘Syria’ yet spend 5-10 minutes perusing the ‘guilty pleasures’ section (it’s actually called that) of the paper – a steady parade of photogenic idiots with nothing to say, oh look, there’s another photo of Katy Perry’s drunken arse, how fuckin life affirming.

    Funniest of all is at work when someone will mention some vacuous cockwomble on something like ‘Big Brother’ who I’ve never heard of… and they can’t believe I don’t know who this televisual mayfly is. And they give me a look like I’M the idiot. Y’know what, munchkin? I’m happy to disappoint you. Try watching something fuckin harder. Retard.

    I’m gonna shut up now coz I’ll go on and on otherwise.

    • Life in this time has all come down to ‘guilty pleasure’. All the other stuff is swept under the rug. Because why do we want to see anything real when entertainment is just around the corner

  7. “Nobody ever lost a dollar by underestimating the taste of the American public.”
    ― P.T. Barnum

  8. You have written the things rolling around in my head. And to think, that generation will one day run the country.

  9. I can honestly say i’ve never looked up to a entertainer as a role model…or at least i’ve never thought of copying one just because i see them on tv(I will admit there are some entertainers i have agreed with on certain topics, but those are by accident). And this reality show star phenomenon has gotten ridiculous.Heck i have more respect for Britneys Spears than Snookie, cause at least she did SOMETHING(I don’t think she did it well, but goddammit it was something). Now its like you don’t even have to do anything except act like a idiot.

    Also, while i am not trying to defend Chris Brown here i do think there is(or can be) a difference between appreciating someones work and approving of there personal behavior. For example, does my love for CHinatown and The Ghost Writer mean i’m ok with what he did to the 13 year old girl?I would think not.

    • we were having a similar conversation about Polanski and Silva at Werewolves on the moon recently. I also like Chinatown, but I really feel weird watching any of his stuff once I found out about what he did. With the Chris Brown thing I feel like he’s gotten a pass on something that any normal person would not be forgiven about.

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