Male Habits Revealed!

A while back, I wrote a post exposing a few habits of both genders that are guilty of but don’t talk about much. So now I decided to bring it back in a specific post that will expose to the world some more male habits.

Ladies, consider this a on-going lesson in the in-depth mind and worldview of the hairy, often gassy, male psyche.

Grow up!

Though we may carry the appearance of manhood, put on a suit and tie, or find the ability to stay awake during weddings; every man is only a mud puddle or abandoned building away from the young boy that used to raise hell in any and all imaginable ways. As we enter adulthood, we are able to find a suppression technique that has the ability to stop us from doing things like putting coins on a train track or setting off fireworks inside the house, but don’t think that those thoughts aren’t there. I can tell you with 100% accuracy that any time I see a vacant house, my first thoughts are not ‘I wonder if I could flip that house for an excellent profit?’ What my thoughts are in that situation are along the lines of ‘I want to go explore that house and then break all the windows with a rock’. As tempting as those thoughts are we remember that we now have a mortgage to pay, and the whole ‘boys will be boys’ excuse won’t hold up in a court of law.

No matter our place in society, there is always that little boy just begging to come out again and play. That is in our nature. ‘Where the Wild Things Are’ perfectly captured the spirit of boys. We all were unbridled, thirsty for adventure. I look back at all the highly dangerous stuff I did and shudder, but back when I was doing those things, I thought nothing of it. There were no limits, No Trespassing signs meant ‘Hey Kid, there is really cool stuff in here, you should come in and check it out’, we were like gods of our own world; one created just for our rule.

This is not to say that this doesn’t come out again. When we have kids, we enjoy being goofy and stupid, we love the adventure that our kids want to follow. It gives us a chance to take full advantage of our inner child in a way that others will think ‘oh look how good that dad is, he is playing with his kid’ the thing is; that is not us only living up to our responsibility as a parent. It is also us enjoying ourselves and remembering as well.

What this means to a woman: Ladies; you know how sometimes your boyfriend/husband/friend will do something so incredibly stupid that you think to yourself ‘is he willfully that dumb or is he borderline mentally challenged?’

Nope, neither, that is the boy telling us that we should do something regardless of the outcome.

Did you fix the stove/dishwasher/hole in the wall yet?

Men like to fix things. We like to figure things out. And we like to do it completely on our own. We don’t like to be told how to do it; we will obsess over something until we understand it. The last thing we ever want to hear is ‘Let’s just call someone and have them do it’. That is a phrase that will only lead you to more obsession, muttering under the breath, and load cursing coming from whatever room we are working on something in. Here’s a clue that might answer some of our ‘home projects’. Most of us know only the basics of fixing things, unless we went on to a trade job, and half of our knowledge comes from the time honored tradition of ‘trial and error’. I wonder how many major accidents or unexpected deaths have come from situations that have started out with the words ‘I can fix it!’

We are creatures that do not like to be told or made to felt like we failed or couldn’t do something. So even if that means working non-stop until something is either done or we are in the hospital, we will continue to push ourselves into ‘making it work’.  We like to feel like we can accomplish over anything or that we don’t want to beat by something like putting a new wax ring on the toilet. Most adult men over 25 grew up in a society that didn’t have ‘participation ribbons’ and we were taught that winning was in fact everything. So we have a very hard time accepting when something has gotten the better of us.

What this means to a woman: Next time you buy a piece of furniture that needs to be put together, take notice of your partner’s reaction to the situation. You will notice that he will first look at the directions, then at the pieces, this goes back and forth for a while, and he may end up throwing the directions out because he is thinking that he can look at picture on the box and figure it out himself. Regardless of which route he chooses, this task will inevitably end up with him completely frustrated and stomping around the house like a pissed off water buffalo.

You will end up with a coffee table, but I can guarantee you that every piece of home assembled furniture across this world is missing at least 2-3 screws, something was put on incorrectly, and a guy said to himself ‘I’ve had enough of this bullshit armoire’.

Also, you may come across your guy in the middle of some project. His arms may be folded or with his hands on his hips; possibly covering his mouth with one hand. You will see a look of intense deep thought in his eyes. He may possibly point, and wordlessly mouth something undistinguishable. By these actions you may think that he is putting a plan together of what to do, or stepping back for a second to assess the situation. ‘Wow, he is so intent on doing this correctly, if only I could know his deepest thoughts in this moment.’ you may be thinking. You would be incorrect. When you see a man in this state, I can assure you the only thought going through his head is this.

‘I don’t know what the fck I’m doing. Maybe if I stare at this thing long enough it will look like I’m doing something.’

Why we act like babies when we get sick

I brought this up in the last post, but didn’t get too in depth with it. Most men either prefer to hibernate when they are sick or act like they are dying at the slightest sore cough. As a women you may ask yourself why it is that men can act big and tough but yet a hangnail turns them into a big slobbering ball of emotion. Before I give you the answer, here’s the flip of the situation.

Men act only like this around women. Specifically our significant others. If we are around other men, it is a completely different situation. Men will NEVER let other men know that they are hurt or in pain or sick. Seriously, we could chop our hand off and the conversation would go something like this

Man 1: Holy shit Bill, you just cut your hand off man!

Man 2: Nope. No big deal just hmmmm(the sound of pushing back tears) a little scratch, nothing to worry about, I’ll just dab a little peroxide on this here and I’ll be good to go.

Man 1: Are you sure? You are losing an awful lot of blood right now. I think we should call an ambulance.

Man 2: Why would we do that I’m perfectly fine? How about a game of one-on-one. Better yet, let’s have a push-up contest.

Man 1: Alright man, but you are getting really pale.

Man 2: Not pale at all, just watching my sun exposure. And if you are wondering, I’m not crying. I just got dirt in my eye. Now, what kind of beer do you got here?

So if a man can get dismembered in front of his friends and barely seem to flinch; why is it that men get crazy and act like they are going to die from a little cough when they are around their girlfriends or wives? It is simple really.

Because we are opening up to you. We are being vulnerable and allowing you to see that side of ourselves that doesn’t see the light of day too often. Though gender roles have changed over the last 15 years, one thing seems to remain the same. That is that men are told from the time we are young, that it is unacceptable to ‘feel’ or be ‘weak’. We are raised to suppress our emotions and to show anything more would be ‘unmanly’. As women feel pressure of body issues brought on by society, men too suffer from a societal toll on our place in the world. We are made to feel bad by showing that we are more than one-dimensional. We struggle with confidence and feel pressured to rise above and be brave or stoic in any and every situation. Although we carry those feelings too, we also can be very sensitive but we are told as boys that it is wrong to feel that and the best thing to do is ignore it or pretend like it isn’t real.

We, as men, feel responsible to take care of our families. To be the rock that will always be there and pull through. We want people to know of our courage, to show our families how much we will do for their sake. It goes back to the ‘make it work’ habit. We will do anything, regardless of the personal strain or cost, to make sure the ones we love know that they can count on us to be there for them, to sacrifice for them. Do we feel afraid, sad, depressed, hurt, and more sometimes? Of course we do. But we also love to feel that we’ve done everything in our power to make things better, to fix it, and to do it on our own, so that the ones we love won’t think that we can’t or didn’t try hard enough.

What this means to a woman: Sure, it may be the most pathetic thing in the world to hear a man in his thirties ask you to ‘fluff his pillow because he can’t move’.  But keep in mind that he is not doing it to make you his slave for the day. He’s really letting you see that he can’t always be perfect. That he hurts too sometimes. And he wants you to be the one to see him that way because he trusts and loves you. If you want a man to share his feelings, just get him sick, and he will be an open book. When he gets better, the ‘strong man’ persona will come back, but remember that you were the one who got to see the man behind the mask.

And when he is slurping up chicken noodle soup, just think of him like that bookcase he put together. He may not be perfect, is probably missing a few screws, but he will always stand up for you, as he knows that it is part of his purpose.

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12 thoughts on “Male Habits Revealed!

  1. This is really good. I just read a book called “Wild at Heart,” which talked about a lot of the same things: that boyish thrill for adventure is engraved on a man’s heart, not something he can “grow out of.” It’s who he is. And yes, men are babies when they’re sick, but yes, we do it because, secretly, we want to be open with our woman.

  2. Lol. the first one applies to me too. The second is hilarious but I put my own furniture together. 😉 And the third one is funny yet sweet and insightful. And I am the man who cuts off his hand and tries to do push ups – I never let anyone take care of me EVER, lol. Excellent post, Kloipy!

    • thanks Misty! I can’t tell you how much I dread putting together furniture. They couldn’t make those directions any more difficult to follow

      • I put together a bookshelf for my wife. Got the whole thing done and realized that I put one section in backwards, so I had to take it all apart and start again. And I hate the little tools they give you that just end up pissing you off

  3. I don’t like fixing things. I like to call other people who know how to fix things. If I’m building a cabinet from Argos the only time I look at the instruction sheet is to make sure all the screws and shit are present and correct. Not that it’s common to find shit in with a bag of screws.

    And I don’t act like a puff when I’m sick either.

    Anyway, very insightful, Kloips.

    • Well, i’m pretty handy so when the family makes it over to the UK, if you need help doing any house projects let me know, I’ll bring the tools

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