Thoughts on the 2013 Oscars


Another year, another celebratory night of stars, fashion, bad jokes, and a Lawrence of Arabia like time limit has come and gone. The red carpet has been rolled up and will probably be appearing once again at the premiere of something like ‘G.I. Joe 2: Rise of the Joe’. The winners and losers alike are probably all nursing hangovers. And we; the intrepid fans are left with yet another year of underwhelming Academy Awards ceremony.

As someone who has been a lifelong fan of film, the Oscars are kind of like the super bowl of film.  I do not believe that the awards should be an arbiter of quality (looking at you The Hurt Locker and Crash) but it is not really about that. It is about the spectacle. The bright lights and beautiful people. The one night of the year that the golden age of cinema is relived. That is all a part of the awards.

But with each year, it becomes more and more apparent that the Oscars are too much of a sacred self-congratulatory festival than anything else. Yes, it is nice to see filmmakers and actors celebrated in a field, but there is an air of self-importance that ends up choking you.  Film can be a true art form and that is important. However, sometimes the awards are taken a bit too seriously. It feels a bit like kids who never got trophies in school now get to rub it in the face of the world. Yes, we know you are rich and famous and now getting an award for it. Congrats on your life. Excuse me while I down this third rum and coke.

The Academy Awards have now become as clichéd as most of the films coming out of Hollywood. We know the jokes that will be made, we know it will go WAY over time, and we know we will get lots of long speeches that will be cut off by an orchestra. It has now become and expectation that each new year of the Oscars will be as boring and long as the year before it. Did the 2013 Oscars change that?

Short answer: No

Long answer: No, they didn’t.

The 2013 Academy Awards didn’t do much of anything outside of the ordinary. It was just as we probably all expected it would play out. Other than Jennifer Lawrence falling down, a song about boobs, and perhaps the questionable self-dressing skills of Quentin Tarantino, there is not much to note about the show. It did what it set out to do and nobody got hurt badly.

Here are some thoughts on the proceedings

Seth MacFarlane as host.  Love him or hate him, I think he is a good choice as a host. He is a guy who seems to be all about the old age of hosting. A lot of his jokes fell flat, but he wasn’t on so much to become overly annoying. He had some jabs here and there, but nothing too risqué. My final consensus is that he did an alright job, nothing spectacular and definitely better than some of the previous hosts, but I don’t think we will see him host again. Best bit of the evening was definitely the sock-puppet version of ‘Flight’ had me laughing out loud.

The Awards themselves. Nothing too shocking here. Most of the wins were pretty on the line. I was happy for Jennifer Lawrence. The use of the ‘Jaws’ theme to usher long speeches off was quite inspired. I will say though I think Daniel Day Lewis is a brilliant actor, I thought Joaquin Phoenix deserved it. Other than that, yeah, no big surprises.

The Fashion. Yeah, I don’t know anything (or care) about fashion, so I guess no one looked too ridiculous.

Now for the rambling thoughts section of this wrap-up

Catherine Zeta Jones: No thanks to all that jazz. You can keep all that jazz.

Adele: great performance, great song, quintessential Bond theme.

Bond Retrospect: Crap except for the ‘Goldfinger’ performance

Kristin Chenoweth: She sure is tiny and sure has an annoying voice

Best reaction: Alan Arkin looking pissed. Tie goes to Tommy Lee Jones proving once and for all he is not Grumpy Cat.

Ben Affleck: Indeed he was the bomb in ‘Phantoms’, yo.


What can be done to make the Oscars more exciting?

Release wild pigs into the audience half-way through

Give the audience Laugh-o-Meters to determine the fate of the host. Losers will be dropped through the floor via trap door

Full Frontal Nudity

Cage Matches determine best picture (Amour would not have won that battle either)


In Memoriam set to Yackity Sacks


9 thoughts on “Thoughts on the 2013 Oscars

  1. I like Seth Mcfarlane alot so I felt sorry for him throughout the performance.. the audeince was not very giving to him even with the jokes that did work…I have gravitated to watching the Golden Globes over the years. They seem to be a looser audience and it seems like a more relaxed atmosphere , perhaps because they get to drink and eat at the table, everything goes better with alcohol I guess…:). I to liked the Sock puppet short it was the greatest spot in the whole show… To me Seth seemed out of his element… I saw him on Saturday Live recently and he seemed much more himself and more tune with his style of humor….he seemed to pander way to much to what the audience in the seats thought it seemed in his opening monologue and throughout the rest of the show that took something away from his delivery and perfomance. He was quoted as saying before he hosted this was a one off for him so he won’t be back regardless of what the critics or the academy thought of him. cya next Oscar review or not..? Thanks Seth

    • totally agree with everything you said. He gets a lot of shit from people. I’m not a fan of Family Guy anymore, but I LOVE American Dad, one of the funniest, wittiest shows on tv right now. Seth did host a Roast which I thought he was great at. I think he restrained himself a bit, but you are right, the audience was not right for him. I mean booing the Lincoln joke? I mean come on, lighten up

  2. I stopped watching awards shows long ago. I did see the clip of JLaw falling though, bless her heart. She handled it amazingly though. I also saw a photo of her flipping off the press after her win. You know, I kinda like that girl.

    • I like her too. I hate this term but can’t think of another, she’s like a breath of fresh air, among the sea of pretense

  3. I think that Naomi Watts absolutely killed it with her dress. Perfection. Not getting what wasn’t to love about it. I loved Zoe Saldana and Nicole Kidmans dresses but in my opinion it was definitely Naomi. I also loved how Kristin Stewart was a hot mess, and Jennifer Lawrence looked terrific even falling over.

  4. Kloipy, I am in complete agreement with everything you said, except…

    ‘Release wild pigs into the audience half-way through’.

    That should be RABID wild pigs with EYE-LAZERS and TUSKS!

    I’ve not watched an awards ceremony of any kind since Annie Hall beat Star Wars.

    • You really aren’t missing anything my friend. I’m not even certain why I watch them anymore, but it is like something I feel the need to watch? Personal issue I know haha

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