Another year, another celebratory night of stars, fashion, bad jokes, and a Lawrence of Arabia like time limit has come and gone. The red carpet has been rolled up and will probably be appearing once again at the premiere of something like ‘G.I. Joe 2: Rise of the Joe’. The winners and losers alike are probably all nursing hangovers. And we; the intrepid fans are left with yet another year of underwhelming Academy Awards ceremony.
As someone who has been a lifelong fan of film, the Oscars are kind of like the super bowl of film. I do not believe that the awards should be an arbiter of quality (looking at you The Hurt Locker and Crash) but it is not really about that. It is about the spectacle. The bright lights and beautiful people. The one night of the year that the golden age of cinema is relived. That is all a part of the awards.
But with each year, it becomes more and more apparent that the Oscars are too much of a sacred self-congratulatory festival than anything else. Yes, it is nice to see filmmakers and actors celebrated in a field, but there is an air of self-importance that ends up choking you. Film can be a true art form and that is important. However, sometimes the awards are taken a bit too seriously. It feels a bit like kids who never got trophies in school now get to rub it in the face of the world. Yes, we know you are rich and famous and now getting an award for it. Congrats on your life. Excuse me while I down this third rum and coke.
The Academy Awards have now become as clichéd as most of the films coming out of Hollywood. We know the jokes that will be made, we know it will go WAY over time, and we know we will get lots of long speeches that will be cut off by an orchestra. It has now become and expectation that each new year of the Oscars will be as boring and long as the year before it. Did the 2013 Oscars change that?
Short answer: No
Long answer: No, they didn’t.
The 2013 Academy Awards didn’t do much of anything outside of the ordinary. It was just as we probably all expected it would play out. Other than Jennifer Lawrence falling down, a song about boobs, and perhaps the questionable self-dressing skills of Quentin Tarantino, there is not much to note about the show. It did what it set out to do and nobody got hurt badly.
Here are some thoughts on the proceedings
Seth MacFarlane as host. Love him or hate him, I think he is a good choice as a host. He is a guy who seems to be all about the old age of hosting. A lot of his jokes fell flat, but he wasn’t on so much to become overly annoying. He had some jabs here and there, but nothing too risqué. My final consensus is that he did an alright job, nothing spectacular and definitely better than some of the previous hosts, but I don’t think we will see him host again. Best bit of the evening was definitely the sock-puppet version of ‘Flight’ had me laughing out loud.
The Awards themselves. Nothing too shocking here. Most of the wins were pretty on the line. I was happy for Jennifer Lawrence. The use of the ‘Jaws’ theme to usher long speeches off was quite inspired. I will say though I think Daniel Day Lewis is a brilliant actor, I thought Joaquin Phoenix deserved it. Other than that, yeah, no big surprises.
The Fashion. Yeah, I don’t know anything (or care) about fashion, so I guess no one looked too ridiculous.
Now for the rambling thoughts section of this wrap-up
Catherine Zeta Jones: No thanks to all that jazz. You can keep all that jazz.
Adele: great performance, great song, quintessential Bond theme.
Bond Retrospect: Crap except for the ‘Goldfinger’ performance
Kristin Chenoweth: She sure is tiny and sure has an annoying voice
Best reaction: Alan Arkin looking pissed. Tie goes to Tommy Lee Jones proving once and for all he is not Grumpy Cat.
Ben Affleck: Indeed he was the bomb in ‘Phantoms’, yo.
What can be done to make the Oscars more exciting?
Release wild pigs into the audience half-way through
Give the audience Laugh-o-Meters to determine the fate of the host. Losers will be dropped through the floor via trap door
Full Frontal Nudity
Cage Matches determine best picture (Amour would not have won that battle either)
In Memoriam set to Yackity Sacks