5 Television Worlds It Would Suck To Live In

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Week after week, millions of people immerse themselves in the lives and world of their favorite characters. As viewers, we place ourselves in the shoes of these characters, but would it really be so great to be in these fictional universes?

Game of Thrones

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A world of dragons, magic, sweeping landscapes, and a quest for power may seem inviting, but regardless of where you are life in the Game of Thrones universe would surely suck. Sure, you could reach the iron throne and hold sway over Westoros, but would you really want that? You would constantly be looking over your shoulder waiting for someone to kill your ass.

Bloodlines run deep in GoT, and those waters go to the murky place where loving your cousin (or sibling for that matter) takes on a more literal meaning. You are apparently going to have at least 1-15 illegitimate children who will hate you for the rest of your days.

When you die, it will not be pleasant. Not a lot of people go quietly into the good night, more like through torture and dismemberment. Let us not forget how bad this world would smell. Everyone in GoT is either having copious amounts of sex or caked in filth, or both at the same time. I think walking into any town in that world would smell like the equivalent of stepping into a Men’s Room at halftime at the Super Bowl.

Worst yet would be the constant reminder that ‘Winter is Coming’. You cannot even say hello to your fellow man without being told this sentiment. After 2 months you would be begging for winter to just get here already.

Girls

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One of the positives of being a twenty-something with some money in New York would be that you can kind of do and be whoever you want to be without much consequence. Life hasn’t yet got you to the point of being an adult and you are mostly pretending to play ‘grown ups’. The world is your oyster and I say shuck it! (Pun intended)

The downside is that you need a degree in psychology just to be able to handle your friends. Not one character in ‘Girls’ male or female is in anyway a normal human being. You will enjoy the highs and lows of the bi-polar nation of people in their mid-twenties. Nothing will make sense to you and most likely you would end up with some mental disorder as a proxy of just being in that world. Any of your sexual encounters will most likely be uncomfortable and leave you depressed and disgusted.

The best part of your mid-twenties is that it eventually comes to an end and you realize you are not the center of the universe anymore, and who wants to be in a perpetual loop of that?

Mad Men

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A lot is made of how cool Don Draper is. How awesome would it be to go to work, get plastered, and take a nap in your office? Besides the obvious faults of living in a time period that was extremely unjust time for anyone who wasn’t a rich white man, the world of ‘Mad Men’ has other problems.

You would never be happy with anything in your life ever. Regardless of what happens in the ‘Mad Men’ universe it will only end up causing you to fall into a drunken depression. Don Draper ostensibly has it all. The beautiful wife and home, 3 kids, lots of money, a great job, but Don Draper is possibly the unhappiest character that has ever been on TV. His life is filled with doubt and disdain for everything and everyone around him. No matter how good he has it, he is always empty.

Also- all that scotch and cigarettes are going to make you look like a dried up raisin by the time you hit 40.

The Walking Dead

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Living in a zombie apocalypse really isn’t all that Twitter has made it to be. You would always be under the threat of being eaten. The really bad part would be (again the smell too) being surrounded by incompetent fools. The survivors of the Walking Dead seem to have as much cognitive function as the zombies they shoot or stab on a regular basis. They make stupid decisions all the time, waste a lot of time doing nothing, and how they survived the initial attack is a miracle.

If they don’t end up getting you killed they will at least drive you to the brink of insanity. Unless they are Daryl.

The Big Bang Theory

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You would be surrounded by a bunch of people that network executives think that nerds are like. Also you would constantly surrounded by references to things that happened in the 80’s and geek culture and everything would be one large pop-culture joke. Oh no.

YOU MANIACS! YOU BLEW IT UP! GOD DAMN YOU! GOD DAMN YOU ALL TO HELL!

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34 thoughts on “5 Television Worlds It Would Suck To Live In

  1. YES. This post is bloody brilliant.

    GoT – Are you a woman? RAPED. Seriously, I know this world sucks for pretty much everyone involved, but as a woman you are not only at risk of death/destruction all the time, but chances are you will be sexually battered before meeting your maker. (I’m a big, big fan of the books, but stopping watching the series after Khal Drogo raped Dany on their wedding night and Littlefinger turned into a porn director.)

    Girls – I cannot hear you over your overwhelming rich white girl privilege.

    Walking Dead – Stopped watching halfway through season 2 because ALL THESE PEOPLE ARE MORONS. I liked the graphic novel series, but that shit is BLEAK.

    BBT – Just the absolute worst thing to ever happen to television.

    Can’t comment on Mad Men as I haven’t watched it, but I trust your analysis.

    Great post Kloipy sir!

    • Thanks Vanessa!

      Yeah the GoT world is horrible for women. I had to turn off the one scene with Jofree and the prostitutes. That was too much for me. then again, I think rape in film is really not needed and espicially the graphic depictions of it.

      Girls- I don’t understant all the love of that show. I don’t think it is terrible or anything, but I can’t relate to anyone on that show.

  2. GoT – My theory is that everyone is after power because no one has any control over their own lives. They are told who they have to be, what they have to do, and who they have to marry. If everyone had the ability to at least make a few major life choices for themselves, they would be less miserable and less desperate and willing to do anything for a little bit of power.

    The Walking Dead – takling about and having fun with the idea of a zombie epidemic or pandemic is fun, actually living in such a world would not be fun. I liked the 5 chapter game that was based on the written series and not the t.v. show.

    BBT – I actually LOVE the show. I’ve dated guys like them and known guys like them. It isn’t just what network big wigs thinks nerds are like. They represent a lot of real people. It isn’t just a funny sitcom. I laugh because people I’ve known have said and done things just like they do. To me, it is fiction based on reality.

    • with BBT I’ve just never been able to make it through an episode. I’m not sure what it is but it just grates on me.

    • ” I’ve dated guys like them and known guys like them.”

      That might have been the saddest thing I’ve ever read on the internet.

  3. Haha, Seth! I love TWD! Without their silly survival decisions, the show would be over in 10 minutes, instead of 3 Seasons. And we need more eye candy of Daryl, of course. 😛

      • True, true. I’m watching episode 7 from Season 3 tonight. I bought Season 3 and it’s fun to watch the episodes without having to wait an entire week. Lol. Lori was the most obnoxious character on there. I wish the zombies BIT her the first episode! Grr! Great blog! Keep up the great work my friend!

  4. all right here’s where you’re wrong:

    Game of Yawns its the single most boring place ever conceived full of slack jawed retards, oh wait those are the fans, but the characters are useless dopes also. The worst thing about living in Westros is that it’s so boring even the inhabitants just fall asleep out of the sheer tedium of their existence, much like the viewers.

    Fat girl or American Hogger or whatever it’s called don’t know never watched it but if that fugly large Marge nudes up I’ll take a pass. It’s like the nation nightmare of the Bates all over again.

    Mad Men what are you nuts? So what if Don is “depressed” aka giant whinny wuss he still bangs tons of hot broads and drinks like a fish. That is a GOOD life consequent free sex and booze.

    The Walking Dead this is a situation I would shine because i wouldn’t be as consistently dumb as every character on the not named Daryl, Meryl(up until the time he decided to be honorable what a maroon) or Carl.

    BBT is just Nerd black face and that isn’t a problem. The problem is that the show is unwatchable garbage aimed at inbreds and super fat housebound nerds(redundant statement I know)

      • yep same thing in GoY if only I could stay awake and not have to have endless conversations about what happened and what I’m going to do instead of just doing.

  5. LOL, fantastic post, Kloipy! It would indeed suck to live in any of these TV universes. Maybe not Mad Men, though. Don Draper’s life sucks, but everything else is so cool and glamorous! haha

  6. Very good, Kloipy.

    Luckily I haven’t seen any of these and therefore couldn’t tell you if it would suck or not. But I’ve played Part 1 of the PS3 game.

      • Heh. I should’ve typed ‘played Part 1 of the PS3 game Walking Dead…’; basically, I fell asleep, woke up half hour later and hit ‘post’ without checking where I was up to.

  7. The Game of Thrones world would be interesting to experience for about a week or 2, but then I’d want to hop back in my time machine. Medieval times were not nice. Not nice at all.

    I can’t think of another Planet of the Apes quote besides the damn dirty apes one…sigh…

  8. Oh how I love your posts! I haven’t watched any of these shows (other than the odd episode of BBT – forced, naturally – and ‘odd’ was a very deliberate word choice! 😉 I really have heard loads of great things about MM and TWD. I might think twice. 😉

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